Trample the weak

Sat, 22 Apr 2006 11:13:09 GMT

Your Excellent LJ Evil Minions
LiveJournal Username
favorite drink
weapon of choice
do you like the taste of envelope glue?

the evil ninja mastermind hellbent on world domination	shizukaneko
the bewitching and sexually ambiguous one that no one knows anything about	loseme89
the scarysmart one, eerily calm even in the midst of chaos	forever_miracle
the tiny, seemingly-delicate one with a deadly temper and awesome strength	therubberwall
the pale, quiet one who turns out to be really, really scary	cloudedhorizons
the sexy, smirking anti-villain who joins your side at the last moment	loseme89
the snarky punk mercenary who's only there for the money and coz they love a good fight	therubberwall
the distant arrogant aristocrat who wants to bring down the society they were born into	shizukaneko


This Fun Quiz created by charlotte at BlogQuiz.Net

Science News at NewsDump</a>

Fri, 14 Apr 2006 13:48:10 GMT

I'm such an annoying little brat sometimes.....

ThEwOlFmAn2010: shut it
kulinaryklutz: shut WHAT??
ThEwOlFmAn2010: ur face!
kulinaryklutz: no can do
kulinaryklutz: any other requests?
ThEwOlFmAn2010: yes, go away
kulinaryklutz: muerdame perro

I'm intentionally being annoying....this isn't a good thing, is it?

I really don't care.

ZOMG

Fri, 31 Mar 2006 04:49:12 GMT

What animal would best suit your personality?

A MONKEY!

You are the class clown. The happy, friendly member of your group of friends. You are very much a sociable person and enjoy spending time with both friends and family alike. You maintain a well balanced diet and maintain yourself regularly. People around you lighten up as soon as you walk into the room. You bring a warm glow with you that is hard to ignore. You are the Monkey!

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Fri, 31 Mar 2006 04:01:47 GMT

They're stressing out. Everyone. Mom, dad, Brooke, Aguirre, Matt, everybody. Why am I the only one who seems unaffected by this? The only thing I can tell that i do differently now is that I care less about the farther future - I don't have to think about aything that would be happening here in more than three months; I don't have to worry about what classes I'm signing up for, I don't have to worry about getting a head start on next year, prep classes like scholars in the morning, summer school, schedule planning - There is NOTHING I have to worry about because I'M GOING TO BE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD IN THREE MONTHS. Wow. That should have driven the point home pretty well, doncha think? But the thing is, those are still JUST WORDS to me - they don't give me a sense of fear, they don't cause me to go into a nervous breakdown or begin to worry about everything from driving on the left side of the road to foreign asian diseases to postage costs; Those are negative though - good, you might be thinking. What's strange is that I don't feel anything positive either - I don't start imagining all the new friends I'm going to have, all of the cultural aspects I'm going to experience, all of the possibilities of having and maid and not having to clean anything AT ALL. Can you imagine? No chores! But I don't feel excited about any of it. I feel nothing at all.

Those around me feel, though. They feel a lot more than I do. They feel anxiety, like dad as he' starting to plan and prepare for the difference in living by renting library books and planning on what kind of house we're looking for or what he's going to do in his extra time (heaven forbid he set aside time to relax and do nothing); They feel anger, like Brooke when she talks with me about how this is all so unfair because she has just gotten into a really good routine and is beginning to really feel like she has a solid place here, how she doesn't think her friends are going to be able to cope well without her, nor her without them; They feel sadness, like when the reality of it all - we're leaving everything behind - and began to cry uncontrollably in the middle of yoga class the other day; They feel disappointment, like Kevin's face when he realized that we weren't going to be able to help with any more services because we'd be house hunting and then gone for good in a few short months; what I see most of them feeling, though, is the dread of the oncoming agony of seperation that faces them. The fact that I'm probably not going to be able to go to Mexico with Erika, like she promised we would this summer, almost made her cry this evening; I felt guilt that she was sad, like it was my fault, somehow, but I don't believe I really felt sad, or angry, or disappointed at the prospect. Not like she did, anyway.

What kills is the look that I see on everyone's face whenever I mention or make reference to my absence next year - that look that lets me know I've just killed some hope or some kind of happiness that had been dancing behind their eyes just a minute before. They seem to be suffering much more than I am - but then again, everyone seems to suffer more than I do. And that's not necessarily a good thing - I want to feel the same as they do, just because i want to be able to empathize, know what's going on with them; I'm missing out on something, but I can do nothing about it. It's also terrible to feel that their pain is because of me - it's my fault they're feeling this way, the least I can do is share it with them. Oh heck, they might not even be feeling all of this pain and disappointment - maybe I'm just being dramatic for the sake of my own validity and they really just don't give a crap, and I'm imagining all of these hidden emotions. I can't really know can I - I can't read their minds (though that would be useful).

Hold the phone - I think I do feel something. Nothing strong, not in the least bit, but just enough of something to call it to my attention. I'm beginning to feel the ominous task set before me - I have to effectively flip my life upside down, take care of my friends and their feelings, maintain a strong demeanor to support the rest of the family, say goodbye to the only country I've ever lived in, and effectively blind into a completely alien culture on the other side of the globe and incorporate myself well enough into some sort of social group in order to keep my own stamina up enough to live without going crazy of loneliness and depression. Wow. 10 bucks I'm not gonna make it.... But it kind of helps to have something to work for - not going insane, at the very least, and being able to be connected to both my old and my new lives without stretching myself too thin. I guess I have to try. I don't really have a choice, do I? But what would I choose if I actually did have a choice? Tell you the truth, I actually don't know. I'm so practical all of the assets that are offered in malaysia, such as the school, and experience, and money issues, that it doesn't sound half bad. On the other hand, my life is here, and would I be able to throw away all of these achievements, all of these relationships that I've worked on for nearly 4 years now? I don't know. I really don't. But the good thing is, i won't have to decide, purely for the fact that this was decided months ago by people above me and who really don't give a crap about how I live my life and how i feel about ripping it up and replanting it somewhere entirely different. I'm glad I don't have that choice. I don't think I'd be able to live with either one.

hee hee!!!

Sun, 26 Mar 2006 12:45:49 GMT

If you were a fondu would I eat you?

I would eat the living hell out of you

you would make excellent fondu!

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Sat, 25 Mar 2006 00:51:24 GMT

Don't you hate it when you see a friend of yours doing something that you know will end up hurting them in the future, and you want the best for them, and they just don't see the damage they're doing to themselves? Maybe it's a need to rebel, maybe it's just really addicting, but whatever reason, she needs to stop. I hate it when I see that self-destructive pattern of behavior in those around me - I hate it even more when people point out that pattern in my own behavior even more. The difference is that I actually listen, because I know that (most of them) really do care about me and want to make sure I don't screw myself over before I've come up against anything really big. Why can't people listen to the voice of reason, from friends, from their own consciences, from (dare I say it?) their parents?!? I don't understand.

You only have one life. Live smart.

Sun, 12 Mar 2006 05:07:39 GMT

    I actually made it without a nap today!! I must be getting over this flu crap - a good thing, since it means I won't have to col or rofc anymore! So I just hung around all day in my pajamas, doing chores, reading, downloading music, talking with people on aim, and watching two amazing movies - The Matrix Reloaded and Crash. I haven't watched the latter before, and I was really surprised to find that I absolutely loved it. It wasn't that it was all that shocking or intense - you just had to make sure you were paying attention so you didn't miss anything and you had to make sure to really comprehend what was going on - profound movie, really. The movie also ended right where it began - with a car crash and the discovery of the body of a young boy - so the entire movie gave the impression of a never ending loop. Really cool!!

    I'm not tired at all, yet I have nothing to do and I can't be on aim any longer. Genie is happily watching snl right now, while Jordan is probably having pleasant conversation with her many friends and admirers; Ally, Eldrin, and Aguirre, and Rachel are probably having the time of their lives in San Antonio on the Spanish Trip, Jes and Trisha are probably creating something insane online at her house, Brooke is peacefully playing her guitar, and I'm the only one with too little energy to think of something I really care to do and too much energy to simply fall asleep and rest. Somehow, this isn't an unfamiliar situation.

    My brain is moving at 100 miles an hour, sifting through topics and thoughts with no order or pattern whatsoever. Do you ever get the feeling that your mind is a broken digital camera full of images that simply refuse to let themselves be sifted out? I keep seeing the same ones, except from different angles each time, and then I'll go through an entire scene, and then I'll switch back to stills, except these stills have thoughts, feelings, and moods attached, so you're on constant overload of senses, and they keep switching on you? I simply can't turn the camera off, or at least order the pictures into an order that won't make my head ache. It's kind of funny, I keep going over the same things, the same people, the same what ifs, the same woulda-coulda-shouldas, just from different points and opinions. Opinions!! I'm changing my mind too much, and I can't stop it, it's out of my hands, I'm out of control! Oh my God,

this is what it's like to be skitso, isn't it?

Tue, 07 Mar 2006 15:39:27 GMT

WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SICK OVER SPRING BREAK?!? I'm pretty much quarantined in my room so that no one else gets sick, I have 3 books to read, a crapload of bookwork, and hours of research to do for the friggin spanish club trip that I HAVE TO GO TO despite the fact that my head is being split open with a jack hammer and I can't breathe for coughing so much. I can't do anything FUN during spring break because of this stupid flu. God, I've been sick for three days and I'm already getting stir crazy. I'm snappy and irritable and resentful towards everyone in this prison of a house because they can do whatever they want to and can enjoy their free time while I have to sit in bed doing nothing for the ENTIRE break with a blinding headache and the ominous cloud of all of the work I have to do before friday. I'm not going to be able to go to school on monday, so why the hell do I have to go to the spanish trip beforehand? It's the same as school - if you're sick enough not to go to school, you're sick enough to skip extracurriculars.
I feel like beating someone up right now - Heidy and Brooke just got up (apparently, they slept just FINE - they didn't wake up every half hour like I did because my head hurt worse everytime I moved) and they're already planning what fun things they're going to do today. Oh, do I want to go to Herman Park today? Oh wait, I'm sick, they forgot - well, you can stay here while we go, and we'll take lots of pictures for you....AAAARRGGGGGH!! Why do we not have a punching bag around here?!? I would beat it to a pulp if we had one, and then some. I hate my life at this point in time. You're probably thinking "Whoa, she needs a reality check. This isn't the worst thing that could happen, is it?" Well ya know what, go screw yourself.

BIO HAZARD WARNING

Tue, 07 Mar 2006 04:51:17 GMT

Ok, so I woke up feeling like crap this morning - sore throat, nose was running wild, a cough to wake the dead, and the worst headache I've ever had to experience - so I took some painkiller and then proceeded to sleep for the next three hours on the couch. Woke up for about half an hour, and then crashed for another four before I realized that there was probably something really wrong with me. A trip to the doctor's office confirmed sickness and I nearly fell off the examination table thing when the doctor announced my ailment - everyone, I have INFLUENZA!!! Crap, I'm thinking; I just made everyone in my room sick with the flu unless they've had recent vaccinations (which I most certainly had neglected). Sorry everyone!!!
Omg, I've never had a flu test before (it's always been strep tests and such) but I NEVER WANT TO HAVE ONE AGAIN. The lady came at me, WITHOUT WARNING, and jammed a q-tip up both nostrils. It took everey ounce of pride not to start screaming like the little girl I am and slapping the poor nurse. It was traumatic, and I would only wish this type of torture on my enemies (or some people who just generally piss me off).
So yes, that is the story of my day - nothing compared to the last 5 days with the coolest knot of groupies in the world, but too much of perfect is boring after a while. Plus, I think we were all ready to go home since we were so exhausted. I actually took a few pictures of my room (in a completely delirious state, of course) of my room because it was so clean and soft and beautiful. What a dork!!
Going to bed now - I might actually sleep tonight too. Imagine that!!
G'night, anus!!
-shley

jlk l dsfaljkldsf lj;

Sat, 25 Feb 2006 00:26:46 GMT

The sky is grey, and I feel a chill from the wind in my face. I wanted to sleep on the bus, but the fact that everyone was talking too loudly, too cheerfully, around me and my own restlessness kept me up.

Cold.
Grey.
Blank.
Alone.
Voiceless.
Weak.
Completely not me.

What's wrong with me? Stupid mood swings...

Contact

Sat, 18 Feb 2006 15:50:55 GMT

posted a long one on blogger...dont' feel like copying. check it out, if you care to
ashleyboncimino.blogspot.com

Genie, I think you're rubbing off on me too - I didn't get out of bed until 8 this morning!!! Ok, granted, I was awake before then, and things kept waking me up the entire time - probably due to the fact that I didn't want to sleep in my room, because it was too hot. I slept on the couch (yes, in my own house - don't judge me) and dad didn't get home until around 1 or 2. But guess what? I have cinnamon oatmeal right now!!! *dances* And coffee..... call me if you need to reach me. Oh, and i think we're going to go lazer tagging tomorrow (sunday). let me know what you think. Oh, and I need everyone's lj screen names. That'll take a chunk of time out of my day....great. Laterz.

***CINNAMON OATMEAL ROCKS MY SOCKS***

Thu, 16 Feb 2006 23:21:35 GMT

I have homework, but I'm not doing it. I have a book I want to read, but I'm not going to sit down and relax. No one is on ANYTHING right now and I'm still going sit on my ginourmous (heck yes - I actually spelled that out) fat lazy butt and waste time on this life-sucking computer of mine. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I'm just not a very listless person, in general. This is just...weird. Why can't I function today?

Ugh. Maybe I'll go stare out the window for a little while. I'm sure I'd love to watch the dirt collect on our forever filthy window sills.....

Ok, seriously, I just need a slap in the face right now. You're only as happy as you decide to be, right? Don't I have a choice? *shakes self mentally* That's it, Ashley. Snap out of it. Go ride your bike. Now.

later all

and so it begins

Tue, 07 Feb 2006 00:03:16 GMT

I have how many online journal thingamabobs now? Let's just say, far too many. It's almost like I can be a different person on each one too - different journals for different moods. Why do I have so many of them?!?!?! *sobs* They just get in the way because it's so hard to choose which one to be. They're all equally obnoxious and artificial. Now that I think about it, I shouldn't really have to consciously choose, yet that's what I do, day after day. Can anyone else tell?

The boys are playing outside - they just thought it would be a good idea to start a wrestling match on top of the playset, just after I told them that they shouldn't jump on the trampoline with tootsie roll pops in their mouths. Isn't it strange how little they know? How little they care? They're running around like energizer bunnies on steroids - glad I wasn't like that.....right!!

Strange mood right now - cold, mostly; I have energy, but no will to spend it. Mleh. Homework needs to get done. It's just sitting there, looking pretty and important on the desk. Maybe I'll just stare at it for a while....
I'm such an undefined, purposeless loser! Don't know where that came from. But it's everywhere.

so much for a good first post...

whoever said that the hokey pokey is what it's all about needs to be spun in a blender.

-The Great One

Sat, 14 Jan 2006 21:48:17 GMT

Why do I keep opening these new blogs?!? There is no POSSIBLE way for me to keep up with let alone update on a semi-regular basis ANY of these things. And here I go, creating another online journal to eat up more of my limited and precious time - thanks Genie. Thanks a lot.